Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
