I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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