he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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