I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
