can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
