theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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