Soap is not a condiment
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize