Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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