Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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