If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
