you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
