allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
