Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
