Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
