I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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