You're my little dorito
wrigley field is MILF paradise
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
