don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
