Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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