I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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