Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
