We won't sleep together?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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