fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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