Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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