This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
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I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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