Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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