I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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