This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
