So drunk its hurt
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
