he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
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I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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