Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
