4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
