Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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