1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
