Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
