He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
