He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I have fence marks all over my body
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
