I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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