But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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