I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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