R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
