are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
