haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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