Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
