I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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