what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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