you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
