Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
