make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
