Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
They have beer where we have blood.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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