wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just threw up on my dentist
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
