Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
