I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Randomize
