So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
