i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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