I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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