Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
