no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
