Me too!
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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