I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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