And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Is it because I queefed?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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