We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I understand Curling. That high.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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