Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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