in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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