I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
