I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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