so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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