I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You took a bar mat shot.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
