you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
