i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
