i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
