I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize