we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
