I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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