i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Piatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
