It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
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Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
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I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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