She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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