Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
