Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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